I feel like when I was a teenager, as many of my peers were developping a sense of their romantic and sexual identities, I was preoccupied with anxiey, depression, and mania; mental illness seriously disrupted the development of healthy intimate interpersonal skills. If you grew up with mental illness, do you agree? Disagree?
8 comments:
This is a really interesting post Lizzie. I have a lot of thoughts. Having been hospitalized in high school and in my freshman year of college I definitely agree with you that I wasn't able to develop interpersonal skills with people in any type of intimate relationship. I didn't have my first real relationship until I was 19 and then that was dictated by the dysfunction of my disorder. My next relationship was really unhealthy as well because I was still "figuring out" what worked best for me. I was single for a good 2 years after that and really out of control. I didn't have a meaningful intimate relationship until I was 22. I learned a lot from that one and after it ended after a year and 8 months I was able to finally have a good relationship that has lasted 5 years. I would say having bipolar disorder definitely impacted my dating life and intimate relationships, but I don't know that I'm much different from a lot of people.
One of my friends had a successful relationship in high school. Everyone else seemed just as scared, clueless or jaded for other reasons as me in high school and college, but they just didn't have names for their problems. And even now I know a lot of people who have been hurt or gone through other events that block them from having healthy relationships, while I feel what I learned both because of bipolar disorder and the negative aspects in relationships that possibly came with the disorder have made me more aware and 100% better in my relationship. These experiences forced me to look inside myself in ways most people don't or don't have to and that makes my current relationship so much stronger.
SO as with many things it can be a blessing or a curse depending on the severity and a person's understanding etc.
I can attest to this as well. I never felt like I really "fit in". During highschool, undergrad, and even into graduate school I wondered why I felt so distanced from others. At some points I joked about being "socially challenged". I didn't date or develop many close friendships. I felt that noone understood me on "that level" that I desired.
Since being diagnosed and recieving proper medication, I feel more social than ever. I don't have the same anxiety and low self image as I had before. I am grateful for this change. I look forward to having meaningful relationships a this stage in my life.
R-I didn't have a serious relationship until I was 29--I don't want to blame mental illness entirely, but it seems to be a root source for me. Thanks for your thoughtful reply.
I am not sure where to start. I have to give a huge YES that mental illness played a role in my inability to form close friendships as well as make terrible choices in intimate relationships. I spent so much of my life thinking something was seriously wrong with me because I also had the "I do not fit in" vibe, and I wish I had been diagnosed earlier so that I could have been more aware of myself and made wiser choices.
Consequently, by being diagnosed in my 30s, I have a divorce and a bumpy second marriage on my romantic record. I understand now that what were manic episodes made living with me difficult and was one, but not the only, reason for my first marriage breaking up. My current marriage has been difficult because I had a few manic episodes that we attributed to pregnancy hormones, but once I had my DS and was still having episodes, my DH took me to the hospital and I ended up in a mental hospital. I hated him for wanting me to stay in the hospital, but since I have been on meds, I am feeling myself wanting to try to make the marriage work. We are both committed to my wellness, which is a blessing to me. I am also noticing an interest in making friends, which is very different for me.
For me, Lizzie, I'd have to say, "Yes, Yes, and OH Yes." I'm 41, and still have yet to have a mutually satisfying relationship. I feel very often that my ideas of love and such are warped and inconsistent with the norm, and thus I don't know how to behave. Factor into that - I'm gay, and handicapped (?) - and I feel a double whammy, or perhaps a triple threat exists. Meanwhile, I wasn't even formally diagoned with bipolar disorder until earlier this year after a hospitalisation. So yes, my sense of love has been comprimised.
I really feel that this is true. I was misdiagnosed with bipolar disorder by one doctor and then later correctly diagnosed with severe depression and anxiety in my Senior year of high school and hospitalized in my freshman year of college. I'm at a senior in college now at a new school and no one here knows about my past. I think that it is very hard not just because of your own emotional issues and mood swings but also because it's like a secret part of you that is scary to show off. It's part of who you are but if you let that person see that side of you you're being totally vulnerable. It's a huge obstacle to any relationship but especailyl romantic and intimate realtionships.
Hello everybody,
I am a 21 year old girl,
and here is my question,
I know I have some form of mental illness, but i dont know what kind and what to do with it,
i have a boyfriend but I am afraid if he find out about my illness he would not want me anymore,
please if you want to talk sometimes or help me understand what i have e mail me on annavcben@gmail.com
I'm very discouraged. I've wanted a romantic relationship daily since I was 13 yrs old and wasn't able to be apart of one until 27. It was the perfect "first" for a lot of things but after 3 years ended and since then (now soon to be 34) have not been able to get into another one. I was treated for some form of childhood depression for several years after the death of my twin sister, have struggled with anxiety and depression since and began eating disorder symptoms in my early teens and was hospitalized for anorexia/bulimia at age 26. I would love some resources about attachment, relationship, grief and learn how to let go of my obsession for a love relationship and possibly enjoy a realistic one. Thanks.
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