I live in the basement apartment of a brownstone. Last night the twin teens who live upstairs had a rager in our backyard while their parents were out of town. They are great girls, they have a close relationship to their wonderful parents, and I'm sure their friends are lovely, but teenage girls partying totally freaks me out. I woke in the night to use the bathroom and saw dozens of teens in the backyard in full out debauchery. Are they having innocent fun? I really really really hope so. I'm sure they were, right? I was when I was their age. Right? I'm really not sure anymore. I have this reoccuring nightmare--I've had it at least a hundred times since I was a teenager---the details change but the template is the same: I'm throwing a party and it's getting out of control. Lately the party hasn't been at my house. The last time I had the dream, the party was at my neighbors, and the nightmare was that I didn't protect my neighbor's house enough. But every time, in the dream, disrespectful partiers are making a mess. And it was only recently that I considered that maybe all of those parties I threw in high school gave me my night mares. I have great parents, but where drinking parties were considered, I think they were too permissive. They always said they'd rather we party in their house instead of elsewhere, but that's kind of nuts. Teenagers are so freaking young. They shouldn't be getting plastered anywhere--but they definitely shouldn't be getting plastered while on site adults look away. So question one: HOW DID I TURN INTO SUCH A GRANNY?!??! It's just that I worry that while they're chugging away, the heaviest partiers are probably masking unacknowledged mental disorders, and the girls who already have low esteem are decimating the self respect they have by giving blow jobs to assholes or something. So question two: What's the right balance of permission to have with teens about partying?
I found this article about a case in New Mexico where a 19 year old had a party; his parents bought all the booze and allowed the party at their house; but it got way out of hand and the 19 year old got extremely violent and injured a bunch of his friends, female and male. The interesting part: they indicted him AND arrested his parents. Check out the links, and please, weigh in on this topic! http://www.news-bulletin.com/news/73250-08-04-07.html
4 comments:
Hello,
As a Recovering Alcoholic as well as a person with Bi-polar disorder I can say that regardless of how we feel about it underage partying will persist. Surely some teens will be self-medicating, or nursing emerging substance abuse issues. such is life. I can say that at 15 I was hospitalized and nearly killed by an overdose of alcohol. And I can also say that I have some good memories of time socializing with friends and accruing useful life experience. Not all that time is lost, although much probably is. At any rate, teenagers are usually not concerned with wasting time, or with caution for that matter. That said, I think, while teens will continue to gain access to substances when they want to, I doubt that it's good, as a responsible parent to encourage or enable that behavior. I think the best a parent can do is educate young people of the dangers and evils of substance abuse, maybe especially kids predisposed to emotional illnesses and/or alcoholism. Also, I think, if a kid does end up experimenting with alcohol and drugs, or even aquiring a habit, it is critical to not perpetuate and intensify that rift between them that is growing as a result of that teen's behavior. That is to say, I think it is important for parents to still show unconditional love for a teen, as well as ongoing support. Anger and further alienation does not help in these situations.
--Casey
Lizzie,
Your comments really resonate with me. I am a former "partier" and currently evolving into "granny" status. What we know is that binge drinking can be a coping mechanism for mental disorders and mental health issues (I know that it was for me).
I am not entirely sure that ALL young people know how to play it safe where these things are concerned, some do but not all of them. When having fun becomes a coping mechanism as opposed to just hanging out and testing the waters, it goes too far. Yes, the parents are accountable, yes- society is accountable, yes- the young people involved are accountable. Many colleges and even high schools commit to a standard of conduct for their students that does not support turning a blind eye to dangerous behavior. It is the responsibility of the adults and the "healthy" partiers to make sure that those who are "coping" seek help outside of the bottle.
Wishing you mental wellness,
Colleen
Has anyone hear with Bipolar went into a manic rage while drinking? Can alcohol induce mania even when the teenager is taking his meds. My son is 17 BP NOS since diagnosed at 12. Drank heavily at a party - (1st time) went into what sounds like to me a manic rage and is now facing charges and possible jail time. I would appreciate any opinions or suggestions or thoughts
As a Creative Writing teacher in a high school I read quite a bit about these parties, and though these kids are only one generation "ahead" of me, they are light years ahead in their partying. And I remember parties as a teenager, and more in college. And it is "my" neediest kids (and you're right, almost always girls, as well as one boy diagnosed bipolar) who wrote the most about their partying experiences and identified with that lifestyle most heavily. And this is where my concern lies. It took me maybe a decade to get out of wanting to identify with being a party-girl (and what is that, anyway)?
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